Nursing the sense of Wit

A System for Sanity

Reading this you should know I have a bias.  I have been in the care of the Provincial Mental Health System of Alberta…repeatedly.  My thoughts are the observations of a person who has lived with Bi-polar Affected Disorder all my life.  It was only in 1986 my condition became diagnosed, until then I just thought I was charming, handsome and really smart.

The System will never work and for my hypothesis I offer myself as an example.  I am probably the most connected consumer and yet I fall through the cracks repeatedly.  Yes I know every new administration says they will fill the cracks but trust a long time user…there is not enough silly putty to cover them up.

The System relies on Doctors.  It has to fail for them to make a decent living.  This is not a slight on any one person, rather the profession as a whole in context to mental health.  If you follow the history of Doctors they were a battlefield creation to sew on injured limbs, amputate infected ones and provide combat surgery.  I agree sometimes my mental illness presents as battlefield wounds but not once has a Doctor tried to sew anything back on.  Doctors have their place in mental health, as researchers and administrators for which they excel. 

For the mental health system to work we need the charge and care of nurses.  I have visited most of Calgary’s finest psych facilities and highly recommend the care and discipline of all the nurses I had, except those that made me go to bed early.  Nurses not only know the patients in a way that the Doctor cannot due to their billing deadlines, nurses do it while recording every single twitch of the patients for the Doctor to ignore later in conferences.  A psych nurse would release you but not until the rest of the world is ready for our unique contribution and, unlike a System that assumes drugs will contain the demons have supports ready. Nurses connect with the community in a network that promotes the reintegration of the person to society, giving us the best chance to succeed.

Would it save money?  The estimates I have made during particularly long and lonely stays are staggering.  The current System relies on a basic charge of about $1000 a day with the move to confining individuals for longer periods.   Add to this the growing influx of new Canadians to Alberta is using mental health facilities and the numbers are staggering.  The System relies on these rates to pay for Doctors, blood testing and medications.  Nurses provide a more holistic approach, incorporating medications when needed to treat symptoms and withdrawals.     

We, Alberta, are leaders in new and innovative nursing practices and training which might make others follow our lead and maybe forget the tarsands.  An industry is waiting to be re-born and nowhere is it more needed than in mental health.

We now have 2 women in the position to make radical change in the Alberta Mental Health System and I am hoping both see the common sense in refining the role of nursing.  This is a political no brainer, just ask anyone who has ever been given a straight answer about their child’s potential.  They get it from a nurse and would be happy to support their administration.

Wisdom from April in September

Question to comic April Macie


Is it possible to learn comedy from an instructor or do you need to pick it up on the street like learning about diarrhea?


 April’s Answer:


 Just write and get on stage every day, that is the only way you learn. And I would watch every bit of stand-up you can. Figure out who you love and then dissect what qualities make them great... jokes, energy, physicality, cadence, story telling... watch their timing, study the nuances of greatness... you have to home school yourself with comedy... and the learning and growth should never stop.


 New Question Derek


A really wise person (you) once told me just write and get on stage everyday. Now they won't let me take a pencil on stage any more, nothing funny about a guy writing on stage. Is there not a structure like swimming strokes, to help me when I am drowning? Is comedy just for the Gods or those willing to undertake the sacrifice?


Aprils Answer


I read a great quote from Bernie Mac, it said, "Comedy isn't a career. Comedy isn't even a choice. Comedy is a calling." Yes, while there are sacrifices with comedy (I'm darting towards barren spinsterdom), I believe if it's your calling, comedy is never a sacrifice... "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." Comedy has also afforded me an amazing life and every day is a new memory or experience and I believe a great life can be measured by the amount of experienes we take in and lives we touch. As far as structure... yes, there is always structure to a great joke.... Here is one of my favorites by Dave Attell... If you look at the beats and rythm it's perfectly crafted... Some of you girls are pulling way too hard. (PREMISE/ SET UP) Some of you are pulling like you're trying to pull a better looking guy out of me. What is that? (SELF-DEPRECATING PUNCHLINE) I didn't swallow Patrick Dempsey. (TAG. A TAG IS AN ADDITIONAL LAUGH AND THROW AWAY BEAT TO A JOKE) I'm the same bald fat guy who met you on myspace. Deal with it. (ANOTHER SELF-DEPRECATING TAG) And you don't even have the class to spit on your hand first. (EXPANDED PREMISE) A dry hobo jerk-down. (PUNCHLINE) What are your stepfathers teaching you? (TAG) What a great joke. (SELF-CONGRATULATORY, BUT TRUE) The only thing missing from that joke is Oprah silently nodding. (PUNCHLINE. CLOSES WITH PHYSICALITY)


New Question Derek 


I really appreciate your earlier answers and thank you for your time. Now I will be a pain again and try to make my really poorly worded point. In every profession people are encouraged to learn, from instruction, to further their goals. Law, Medicine, Finance and even the Arts all have streams that allow for the passing of knowledge from one generation to another. Every profession but comedy where the answer is always watch,write and practice. There are aspects of comedy that can be taught (set-up-punchline, tag, call back, power of 3, physical sell and hold, the opposite etc.) to beginners which would give them a structure to explore their unique view of life. Like any profession the cream will rise to the top (that's me looking up at you) and the rest of us could enjoy the experience more not to mention inflicting less suffering on the audience.


How about this for my question... Would a beginner comic benefit from instruction in the basics of comedy performance and writing?


Answer April

There was a club manager at the Funnybone in South Bend (Janet) who would ask the headliners to watch the open-mic comics and give them notes. Every week the comics would get notes from a different comic. I always thought it was one of the nicest things I'd seen in the comedy business... Haven't seen it since. Comedy is one of those things that can only be learned by doing. Someone told me years ago it would take ten years to start to find my voice. At the time, I thought they were crazy. Ten years later, I have since realized, they were right. Part of being great is confidence and that takes years to build. I watch people who are ten years my senior and I realize how far I have to go. Just get on stage, write and watch people you think are great and you will learn.

New Question Derek

Thank you April, I posted our discussion as my students need to hear your words. They are learning comedy as a skill and wondered why it took so long to become "good". From you the words carry weight. Final questions When are you coming to Calgary Alberta Canada and do you have a white Stetson Cowboy hat? 

Answer April

I do not have a cowboy hat and feel free to request me at your local comedy club, I don't have Alberta on my schedule currently... feel free to tell your students the one thing they really need to learn in the comedy business is patience. 

A Big Bang

Comedy relies on assumptions, innuendoes, exaggerations and most of all stigmatised, racialist and gender inappropriate stereotypes. Thank the Gods for US Weekly!

As a female the question is not when to bring out the artillery of wit but how to chose the battles. So many battles... so little time. If you have a cannon for wit best not exercise it on a cashier or you will be mocked. Save it for the bag boy. If you are a conversational wit save it for when you are behind me. What I'm saying is by saving your wit you the unfunny female can create a big bang effect not unlike a delayed pee, long overdue orgasm or a hot coffee -chocolate cream pudding sous flay a la mode apres l'amour.

A big bang is when your wit collides with some half wit idea that is gaining momentum, and you triumph or fail in spectacular style. The ultimate celluloid example of this is the Dictator by Charlie Chaplin. Wit enlivens in peace and cuts in war was a saying I made up and should appear in a test somewhere.

The reason there is a perception women are not funny comes from the support system in place to help women survive like friends and co not workers, family and loved ones, vodka. No support group of women openly encourages a friend to expose their boss in a meeting using wit and a cutting barb aimed at the balls. Well, sometimes vodka. Usually it is just not done. If it happens it is applauded, afterwards over vodka, but would get no initial vote of support.

A wit must swim upstream to the emotion. It does not make you a bad person but the symptoms are the same. Top 5 Reasons to have a serial killer as a room-mate. Best part about losing everything in the stock market... insert current mess here. If you came up with a witticism please share it with others. Exercising your wit in a responsible manner is an honourable pursuit but sometimes, the irresponsible and unexplained ferocity of an unsuspecting wit can illuminate an exchange and bring needed attention or ridicule. If you look around a lot of things need the attention of wit.

If you feel compelled to address the social issues most pressing to you by engaging both the process and players in wit know that it will win you few friends. Wit like the Tea Party should be non partisan but is often hijacked. The disturbing lack of original wit has polarized the process. A wit about the left will be used to incite the right. As Bill Mahr would say courageous.

Why aren't women funny? Because you are so nice you don;t want to to hurt society's feelings. As a part of society all I can ask is let it go, there are too many idiotic people and ideas being given credibility. The injustice or fraud you encounter and beat with wit today could prevent tomorrow's teachable moment. Yes my feelings will get hurt and if the action getting the attention of wit are illegal or immoral they will be punished. But, and this is the key, compared to the alternative your wit is apple pie.

Politics, Comedy and Women

A woman politician can only win when they have a wit that is bitingly funny and the confidence to use it. Facts are facts. Wit in politics is wielded like a machete, machine gun,or smart bomb. Sometimes you need to assassinate a policy or idea and sometimes you have to go for the character. In short a woman has to be wittier than a man... insert witticism here.

Margaret Thatcher is feared, to this day, for her Wit, as is Hillary Clinton and a select group of others. The rest are defined by the barbs from the men. Hey... don't shoot the messenger. Once you understand every joke has a motive... defence is easy. The trick is in determining what is a joke and when to use the wit.

I will use a successful Alberta politician as an example. For 2 years Danielle Smith has woven together a political party out of nothing but angry disaffected interests. The party is focused, has a structure in place and nomination meetings in almost every riding. Her policies are of the same voice for everyone on big issues. Danielle has done the almost impossible.

Last week the rival PC's came out against her, and here is where she missed the joke. Ted Morton, who had a dummy singing his praises on stage backfire, said he would change the slogan of Alberta from the Wildrose Province to a strong and free sheep or something. It is an obvious attack but it needs to be responded to in humour. Here is a suggestion on how to use wit...

Press Conference... 6 bored reporters and a podium.

Danielle Smith:

Gentleman I have read with interest the musings of a candidate for the nearly 1/2 century old PC's talk of renewal and change of the license plates and slogan for Alberta. I can see why license plates are in need of change as this is the last segment of Alberta to receive funding from the PC emergency recession pot of money. I also understand having a sheep on the license plate as they signify PC party unity.

An aide appears and whispers into Danielle's ear

Sorry I am mistaken, it seems the picture on the license is in fact a Ram so whatever Frueds your ship.

Removing the slogan "Wildrose Province" for "Strong and Free" is inspired and I can only applaud the courage they showed in the selection. I too am a proud Canadian and sing O'Canada during beer commercials of Olympic Hockey games as loud as the next person. I also understand wanting to please the Federal PC candidates who are supporting Ted's run for the ancient, weathered brass ring. I wonder if it is possible to put a Rob Anders picture in the license plate? A Where's Waldo kind of idea.

I as an Albertan seeking to represent Albertans kind of like Wildrose Province. As and Albertan who has seen the "benefits" of Federal Government forays into Alberta (hello NEP)I am a little confused as to why we need to have them represented on our license plates. But if Ted wishes to support Canada on the plates at least he should revise the Alberta Coat of Arms to signify the change. Perhaps a Beaver damning up a field of Wildrose to distribute the dirty oil soaked billions fairly to Quebec. I see a contest.

So in closing... well done. With such well reasoned and fiscally restrained policies like this coming from the most Conservative of the candidates I am sure the message of the Wildrose Party will be heard. At a time when the Province is billions in deficit the cost of implementing a new license plate fits well with other PC policy platforms and financial announcements. Maybe we could put some of the old plates in the new Museum or use the old plates for roofing material for the PC funded new home of the Edmonton Oilers.

Danielle, you don't have to ignore policy announcements like this. All Alberta would understand if you take the shot.

Jr Jokers

As I watch the staff at ZEDS prepare for another summer of Jr Joker training I am reminded why it started in the 1st place. The idea was to teach the skills and writing of comedy to children ages 12 - 17. They would learn set up and punchline, call back the 7 skills of joke, dealing with hecklers and group writing and participation. Sounded so easy.

Over the next 4 years 15 Jr Joker classes were run involving over 150 participants, 3 Board of Education Schools sponsored the events, radio, newspaper and TV tracked the progress. From mom's I heard glowing reviews of the method of instruction and results. From the kids I got grudging respect for the efforts and I learned kids are not funny.

I see the results of Jr Jokers in the person of Steele Duncan who will be running the class. Steele is a gifted artist stuck in the body of a comic as anyone who has witnessed his Harry Potter rap or Toys 'r Us set knows.

Kids who have the skill of stand up comedy have an advantage in life. Best of all it gets the whole family laughing. Of all the legacy project created by the CHEERS project Jr Jokers is one.

Election 2011 full of Fun!

Top 5 reasons to have another early election
# 5 Elected officials want to get it over before cottage season
# 4 Take the minds off hockey for Calgary, Edmonton, Ottawa and Toronto
# 3 Creates a new drinking game for Universities as they drink every time “coalition” is mentioned
# 2 The anger over money spent on an unnecessary election will keep us warm
# 1 Frozen Canadians have missed Elizabeth May talking about global warming

NDP leader Jack Layton was in Edmonton during Earth Hour which is how he spun the dimming prospects for the NDP in the province.

Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff is excited to participate in his 1st election saying the leaves on the trees in Harvard are especially striking in June.

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper was denied an opportunity to perform at the Juno awards on Saturday. Officials refused to give the Liberal, NDP and Bloc Quebecois a chance to sing a response saying it would take too long. A spokesman for the oppositions groups denied this would be a problem saying they would save time by singing from the same songbook.

The CBC has embraced a new tool, Vote Compass, which has people filling out a survey to determine who will win. So far the clear leader is Justin Beaver followed by Drake and Nikki Payne.

I’m not sure why the opposition parties are so upset with the Conservatives building more prisons. At some point all of the Ministers getting convicted have to be housed somewhere.

Jack Layton spent time in Quebec to condemn the oil sands tax breaks and the results were fantastic. Next up Layton will tour BC and complain about Toronto getting all the movies, Saskatchewan to complain Toronto gets all the tax breaks and Toronto to chastise the rest of Canada for hating Toronto.

In an attempt to connect with the younger voters all of the Parties are fully engaged in Social Media with Twitter accounts, Facebook pages and YouTube videos of them puking up a JaggeBomb. The candidates all have Facebook profiles with each of the parties trying hard to get people on Facebook to poke them. Asked to comment former PM Jean Chretien was confused saying Canadians were mad when he poked voters.

I asked the Wit and Writing for Women (www.cheersproject.com) comedy group to suggest Twitter names for the candidates. Here are some of the best:
Stephen Harper @sweatervest, @grumpypants, @dictator-in-waiting
Michael Ignatieff @homeinengland @smartiepants @packingjustincase
Jack Layton @pickmepickme @justafleshwound @Iheartcoalitions
Elizabeth May @chickenlittle @badmenwon’tplaywithme @1millionpeopleloveme
Gilles Duceppe @whereismypension @canadasuckswhereismypension @let’sseperatewhereismypension

I hope the leaders of the other parties who don’t have an elected member in Parliament don’t sue me for leaving them out of the jokes!

Giggle vs guffaw

Men complain that women aren't funny. Well, maybe it's because we're weighed down with a womb. Womb rhymes with tomb and who finds a tomb funny? How are we to be flouncy, frivolous and flippant with such serious matters as birth and death on our minds?

Besides, what makes men so funny? Well, OK, the tendency to develop a bald spot about the time a woman births her third child is good for a giggle. But what makes her giggle and him guffaw is often a difference in the taste in humor. Men gravitate to wisecracks, slapstick and gutter humor, while women prefer the sly, the dry and the wry humor. He rolls in the aisles when one stooge pokes two fingers in the eyes of another, while she smiles at the ironies of life and enjoys the last laugh. For without the womb there wouldn't be a single man around to complain that women aren't funny. Womb-envy, anyone?